5 January 2006

I will be in Kiel for a week on a Guitar Craft course so may not have the opportunity to post here for a week.

Currently clearing out PC hard disk, I found this:

Qantas Pilots v. mechanics

 

Never let it be said that ground crews
and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged
maintenance complaints by QUANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by
mechanics. (By the way Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.)
P stands for the problem the pilots
entered in the log. S stands for the corrective action taken by the
mechanics.

 

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs
replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main
tyre.

 

P: Test flight OK, except autoland
very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this
aircraft.

 

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back order!!

 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode
produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main
landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable
level.

 

P: Friction locks cause throttle
levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re there for!

 

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you’re right.

 

P: Number 3 engine missing. (Note:
this was for a piston-engineered airplane; the pilot meant the engine
was not running smoothly).
S: Engine found on right wing after
brief search.

 

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up,
fly right, and be serious.

 

P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

 

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

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