I received, via Madame, some sentences reported as ‘actually typed by medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow’:
Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
She has no rigours or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
The patient has been depressed since she started seeing me in 1993.
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Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
The lab test indicated normal lover function.
The pelvic exam will be done later, on the floor.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his aeroplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
(Actually my guess is that these are passed around the ‘net, and have nothing to do with Glasgow. What I’ve spelt as ‘aeroplane’ was actually spelt ‘airplane’.)