I started inventing this walking along Hanover St. The analyst verse was the first. Originally it had a chorus, which I dropped. People keep asking me who Nicole is. She’s a librarian in Partick – so there.

I went to the doctor, he said
Where do I begin?
You got this thing about Nicole and it’s getting underneath your skin
I went the next day, he said Where do I start?
You don’t seem to want to fight it and it’s eating up your heart

I went to the priest and he said Man
You are the victim of forces we don’t fully understand
He said From where you’re hanging now you ain’t got far to fall
So if you’re gonna burn, well, best  burn with Nicole

I went to the analyst
He said That’s fifty quid
If it’s not your superego, man, it’s gotta be your id
I was still there on his couch as the night began to fall
Free associating fantasies about Nicole

I went to my mother and she said Son
You seem to have forgotten that I’m still your number one
I said Mother dear there’s a clock upon the wall
Frozen at the moment when I met Nicole

I went to my wife and she said Joe
If you’re gonna tell me something tell me something I don’t know
She said I’ve got some sympathy for what you’re going through
Cause  ever since I saw her, man, I love her too.

Norman Lamont 2000

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