Leafing through the journal I’d opened to find the lyrics to that song, I discovered an entry from February 2004 which is interesting enough to repeat:
What if I just dropped being a musician altogether? Think of the
free time. No more website, recording, OOTB, rehearsals for different
bands, of which sometimes seem like an endless round of obligations. I
could step away from it all NOW. No album, no publicity, no scrabbling
for gigs, no band to try to assemble, no rehearsal venues to find and
pay for, no speculation about who I should and shouldn’t be playing
with, no need to worry or research about equipment. I just … stop.
I feel it’s suddenly very easy. I see all that’s resisting, just a big
construction, a big ego-construction. It’s like taking a step away
would be like taking a step off a building. All that’s needed is
courage.Maybe this isn’t about being a musician but an opportunity, an
invitation, to drop the person I used to be. It was the moment when I
saw what seemed like an endless series of ‘ought to’ and ‘have to’ ina
chain starting with this album.It’s a sweet thrill being this close to freedom…… Just knowing freedom is possible makes you more free.
Of course he didn’t drop it, he plunged right into it by putting out the Wolf album and getting involved not only in his own band but the Houdini Box and theG.co.uk. Then he expanded his own band by bringing in the Decibelles and Nelson. And he got more, not less, involved in OOTB by doing their website.
So the opposite has taken place, but it’s interesting to see how I was feeling then, and could feel again. In some ways I do, despite this week. Or rather this week has returned me to the idea of playing for fun, rather that the furtherance of a musical career or careers.
Enough for one night!