Open letter to Norman Lamont from his audience

I don’t know where this came from – it was an improvised, spontaneous writing session. I had been thinking about how the humorous stuff I do is the most popular and maybe the somewhat ‘darker’ stuff I’ve been writing recently (most of which you haven’t heard yet) may not please people. But don’t worry, I’m not as paranoid as this appears. I just thought I’d share more of the non musical stuff I’m writing these days.

Open letter to Norman Lamont from his audience

Nothing’s funny any more
You never make a pun
You used to have some kind of wit
But these days that’s all done

You used to be a little weird
And we liked you that way
Now you’ve gone all serious
No quirky stuff these days

There’s lots of stuff upon the earth
No need to dig so deep
Lots of stuff to make us smile
So why put us to sleep?

We didn’t give you time of day
For stirring up the shit
We’ve got enough of that ourselves
So lighten up a bit

You needn’t mine the deepest shafts
We’ve got Nick Cave for that
You’re not Leonard Cohen
Even if you wear a hat

You had a sense of humour once
But now you try too hard
The polecats turned the chairs around
And that’s not who you are

Let us tell you who you are
And who you have to be
You’re too wrapped up in yourself
Too close to it to see

In the bigger picture you’re
A sly wink of the eye
A passing chuckle, nothing more
But that’s good enough to buy

So spare us all the churn and boil
It never was your skill
Leave it churning, walk away
If you don’t, we will.